Hi there,
I hope you had the Merriest Christmas. I certainly did.
My husband's family came to visit us and what a gift it is to have them over. My mother in law, sister in law and aunt drove from California to spend two weeks with us.
As we sat to catch up, my mother in law told me she has alopecia and began losing her hair last year. She told me about the hats she wears to hide the balding, but they make her head so hot. My sister then said that she wants to have a wig made for her and that their aunt was going to donate some of her hair, but they needed at least ten inches of hair.
I started thinking about my hair. I have long hair and I always did want to be brave enough to cut it off, BUT I had so many thoughts about short hair. They went like this:
I won't be pretty with short hair. I'm not skinny enough for short hair. How will I hide my arms if I don't have my long hair? I need to lose 20 lbs before I cut my hair. Everyone BUT ME would look nice in short hair.
And that's the short version of the list of thoughts my brain held onto about short hair for the last 18 years of my life.
Isn't that crazy?
I decided that I was going to challenge these thoughts because I literally had the power to help my MIL sitting on my head.
I showed up to my hairstylist, Courtney's house the very next morning and told her what I wanted to do. She measured my hair to make sure we had enough and asked if I was ready.
THEN a wave of thoughts popped up. My brain did exactly what it was designed to do: keep me safe.
My brain told me that I would regret it and that I would look so ugly. My brain offered to just have me get a trim and say it still needed to grow a few more inches before I could donate it. My brain told me I need more time.
It told me these things because I spent so many years believing I was just not thin enough for short hair and that I would look hideous. My brain tried to prevent me from feeling bad about myself if I did cut my hair off.
Instead of listening to those thoughts and accepting them, I told Courtney to go ahead and cut my hair.
With the first cut I felt a wave of relief.
I asked myself, How can this be the BEST thing that ever happened to me?
And then I watched my hair fall to the floor and I had a transformation right then and there while I sat in the chair. I looked in the mirror and couldn't stop smiling. I was so wrong about what I thought I had to do before I could allow myself to have short hair.
It was like I was looking at my future self and she was saying, "well done!"
Chopping my hair off gave me so much confidence! It was literally the exact opposite of what I thought was going to happen. Even though I had those thoughts up to the very moment before Courtney chopped the first piece, I stepped into command of my life and said no matter what, I got this.
I was willing to feel ugliness if I had to in order to make my MIL feel even more beautiful. I was willing to feel rejection if I had to. Truthfully, once I stepped into that chair, I was willing to feel anything if it meant that I could help someone I love.
When I got home I carefully wrapped my hair with a gold ribbon and when she opened it this morning she was moved to tears. We both cried and just hugged each other. That moment was worth every inch of my hair. I would have shaved my head if I had to.
THIS is what self confidence is. It's having your own back no matter what.
Because this gesture came from a place of love, it was so much easier for me to commit and step up and serve. Anytime we do things that are fueled by love, we win.
This was so much more than a hair cut. This act of love for my MIL fueled a love for myself that I didn't have before yesterday. With my new short hairstyle I can't hide behind my hair. I can't hide my untoned arms and my face is so much more visible.
I spent all my life hiding behind my hair. And now finally at 33 years old I realize that I never needed it. I never needed to hide behind anything.
The newfound confidence I have is amazing. I wish I would have done this years ago because I just finally fell in love with all of myself.
I want this for you too. Where is the curtain in your life? Ask yourself, "How can something similar be showing up in your life today?"
What is the thing you've always wanted to do, but your thoughts about why YOU can't have that holds you back? What is it?
Is it a hairstyle? Is it a promotion? Is it a business? Is it a relationship? Maybe you are staying when you know you should have left a long time ago. Or maybe you hold yourself back and sabotage yourself because of the thoughts you have about you not being good enough yet.
It could be anything that you put on your "one day someday list." Except someday doesn't quite come. It hasn't arrived yet, right. You are still waiting to do that thing you always wanted to do.
Waiting for the right moment. Waiting until you lose weight. Waiting until the kids get older. Waiting until you pay off some debt.
And every time we wait and put ourselves and dreams on hold, we lose a little bit of the spark and desire to do it.
We think we are doing ourselves a favor by waiting for the right time. But the truth is far from waiting.
The truth is that you are ready now. Ready to go after what it is that you really want, right now. You are ready before you even think you are.
Lean into the niggle. Take the plunge. It's worth it. I promise.