I started writing in 2018 when I was still in the Army. I opened a word document and began with getting out the hardest challenge of my life thus far and it was a chapter on James and what he taught me about unconditional love and how it took me years after he died to actually allow myself to receive the gift. I picked up that word doc again in 2022 and began to write my book. It was unfinished, but I believed in it so much that I sent a book pitch to a new show, “America's Next Great Author” and ... I was selected as a semi-finalist! When I arrived in New Jersey, the director told me that when she read my submission she was so captivated that she had her husband come into her office and read it. She told me that she believed in me and to keep going... and this is interesting because even with confirmation on that level, I still had a gap in my own identity about being a published author. When I returned I told myself I would finish it, and I did some writing here and there, but there's always two versions of us. The one that sets the goal and the one who already has it. I was still not allowing myself to believe I was an author and that I had something incredibly valuable to offer the world. The belief that people want to really read what I have to say was not fully landed in my body yet.
And so this is what happens when we are at a crossroads of something that we want. We yield to the version of us that wins us over and for me that was the version who didn't believe and therefore my book was never finished. Fast forward to now, I am ready. I believe I am a person who has a big impact on the world. Someone who has valuable things to say...someone who will change the person reading my words life (yep, that's YOU!).
And that belief took me years. I also realized that there was a lot of ego surrounding what I believed before and this time, I feel sooo different. I am so thankful that I didn't finish it back then because from this version of me, I have so much to say...so much to offer you and the world as you read... even through these emails.
This is the part of today's email worth slowing down for, because I think a lot of you know exactly what I am talking about.
External validation is a beautiful thing and it matters, but it cannot do the one thing that actually changes everything, and that is close the gap between who you are right now and the version of you who already has what you want.
That gap lives inside your identity, not in your circumstances, not in what other people say about you, not even in a semi-finalist slot on a national stage. I had confirmation from someone who knew what she was talking about and I still went home and yielded to the version of me that did not believe, because that is what happens when two versions of us are competing! The one that wins is not always the one with the most evidence. It is the one we have been feeding the longest.
So please remember that there are always two versions of you. The one who sets the goal and the one who already has it. And the work, the real work, is deciding which version gets to make the decisions from here.
It's all possible.
If you believe it is.
I do.
ps. last month I realized that my first manuscript that I sent into America's Next Great Author.. the one that landed me a semi-finalist slot and sent me to film in New Jersey …was gone. like I accidentally deleted it when I changed my google workspace. Everything moved over except for that manuscript proposal. That's how I know that version wasn't meant to go live. Instead of crying (which I almost did!) I gave my thanks to God for blessing me this perspective and the ability to start over anytime I want. And that's always available for you, too!!! Oh and here's the photo with the director I mentioned above, I wish I could remember her name, but look at us both so emotional as she shared and told me to keep going. Thank you! Here we go…
FOR THE LEADERS IN THE ROOM
The two versions concept does not just live in individuals, it lives inside every leadership team, and most organizations are running on the version that does not fully believe yet.
When a team has been told what the vision is, when the strategy is solid and the plan is clear, and execution still keeps stalling, the question worth asking is not what is wrong with the plan. It is which version of this team is showing up to execute it. The version that set the goal or the version that already believes they are the kind of team that achieves it. That gap is an identity gap and no amount of process improvement closes it.